Dealing with Children Who Tell Lies Needs Tact

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Am I trying to glamorize children who tell lies?
No!
I am only reappraising it in perspective of children; the load we adults put on them unknowingly and the fear that childhood harbors. 

Shouldn't children be punished for telling lies?
No.
Punishment could only worsen the situation in most cases: 
The fear would get reinforced and natural rebellious nature at this stage of childhood development would get emphasized. 

Can tendency to tell lies be influenced towards right path? 

Certainly it can, especially in children! 
However, tact needs to be employed in dealing with them.
We don’t want to fight with our children; nor do you want to show our superiority over them: Do we?

Believe me; children who tell lies are usually intelligent, capable and daring along with being creative abstract thinkers.

Given below are few tips from me, click here to share your suggestions. Let us together help children towards well adaptable psychosocial development: A necessity for successful social status.



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Do’s and Don’ts of parenting children who tell lies

And all children do tell lies to some extent!

  • Control your temper: 
    Remember that children are afraid of it, and it will only baffle the child and ruin the outcome of your parenting efforts.

  • Act of telling lies is always intentional:
    Children who tell lies are well aware that they have defied your expectations, so repeating that would not serve any purpose. 

    From middle childhood on-wards children’s autonomy and desire to explore the environment get intense with their optimal brain growth and achieved motor milestones. Their cognitive development helps them implement their abstract thoughts into real life situations.

    They do not wish to share absolute truth with the authorities, and often tell lies to protect their friends: Loyalty towards peers gets strong through preteens and teens development.

  • Be absolutely attentive when children talk to you: 
    Hear closely and attentively to them when they narrate their little stories; you will be able to pick many important threads.  Facets of truth always surface in the tales told.

    Comprehend the data; and keep your excitement strictly bound. Don’t scream that you are lying; see I caught you lying ….etc. Only store the information for a later date.

  • Reason the truth out: 
    How dangerous is the lie for the child? 

  • Can the lie told be ignored as part of childhood prank?
    – If so, just Let Go

  • Children who tell lies may need to be guarded from the consequences: 
    Keep it in mind. Deal with it tactfully at a later date; when your temper and child’s anxiety is at rest.

  • Open bilateral dialect is the best tool for positive parenting. 
    Have an open bilateral dialect with children who tell lies.
    Give them a concerned and attentive hearing.

    Do not use blaming tactics, but methodically help children resolve the existing conflicting challenges and the risks involved; and just leave the conversation at that.

    Your conversation will have a lasting impact, though you may not recognize the aftereffect influence for a long time.

  • Punishment? 
    No!
    Punitive parenting  only reinforces that they got punished or scolded because they told the truth or because they got caught.

    The guilt feeling of having done something wrong gets diverted as anger towards the person who scolds them.

    The energy that would have been otherwise used for self rectification is then used in defying the authority concerned: Misbehavior, aggressive attitude and habitual lies surface. It may also perpetuate fear paving the way towards habitual lying. 

  • Recognize the temptation behind a faulty action and provide a safe outlet. 
    The undesirable actions could be drawing your attention towards something that is missing your concern; depression in children, lonely child, victim of being bullied, an outlet for frustration, child’s need for excitement, streamlining childhood creativity and more.

  • Psychology of lying can be easily understood by knowing that the commonest psychological defense mechanism is Denial. 

  • Don’t expect children who tell lies to admit their fault: Knowing they have done something wrong, they use denial as escapism. Admitting it traumatizes their self concept. Given time they will correct themselves.

  • Paving the way towards social needs:
    Do not expect absolute truth. 

  • Patience and understanding towards children who tell lies will be rewarding.

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