Sexual Behavior in a 4 Year Old Boy

4 year old well behaved boy teaching his 3 year old brother oral sex acts and open mouth kissing.

Why is this happening?
Is there abuse happening?

I am extremely concerned.
I am the new step mom and the parents have history of domestic violence...

Older child friend also may have shown him this...what do we do?

The Expert, Ren Chats Answers


Children do what they see or experience.
In both situations your son's behavior calls for alarm.
Children at this age become aware of their sexual identity, and it is possible that the child is just acting out what he has seen some other couple do. However, it should not be ignored.

What can you do?

Do not create an alarm.

It will scare the children and the abuser will be warned.
The abuser will then manipulate children more intensely; patronizing them in his/her own favor and setting them against you.

Build a rapport with your children.

Give them the confidence that you are for them too.
They may harbor a feeling that you could be a cause of their parents' divorce. Such thoughts are often reinforced on children's mind by the abuser. So, any comment to that effect should not upset you.

Keep your calm.

Your main interest should be to save these innocent children from being abused. Parents’ separation is very traumatic experience for children. They become vulnerable to manipulation tactics of abuser.

Spend time with children

Chat with them on day to day happenings, the games they play and the experiences they encounter. Play with them games of their choice. Then in conversation you will find out where the child has seen oral sex - on TV, friends, adults and so on.
The child will let you know instantly if he thinks it is a play and is his own discovery, but will be wary if he is a victim of sexual abuse.

Involve significant others

Involve reliable significant others in children's environment.

1. Involve child's grandparents of both sides - father's and their own mother's.

You being a new addition to the family, children may not have yet got bounded to your parents.

2. Get familiar with children's friends of all age

Be vigilant of children's environment

a. Visit the school your children go to.

Alert the teacher.
Evaluate children's attitude at school.
Are they being bullied by any one - could be staff member, elder child or a usual visitor to school. Parents’ divorce is not hidden from people, and anyone could take advantage of children's disturbed state of mind.

b. Watch children's body language when with cousins, family friends etc.

Children usually try to evade the abuser; but when directly called by one, you will find them sheepishly following him/her. The bounce that comes in children's approach when they meet someone they like would be missing, and the expression on face would be that of fear and helpless submission.

Alert local help services

If you find enough reason to doubt child abuse, do not delay! Alert the local help services.

Hope this helps!
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With Best Wishes.

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